Bella is nuts
by crazytiffness
Summary: Just a joke being bored trying to write somthing kind of funny. Give it a look if you want to see Bella being weird with everyone.


**I don't know I was uber bored and thought it might be funny I know most likely its not so what ya ganna do? **

**Hope you find it entertaining.**

**I don't own Twilight **

**Scary Bella**

"Bella lets go for a walk." I followed Edward into the woods behind my house. Walking behind him I hid in some bushes. I watched him search franticly.  
"Bella where are you?" He screamed over and over again. I was trying to not giggle while he was standing right beside me. Finally his back was turned to me and I jumped out at him screaming. "BOO!" He jumped up into a tree and peered down at me.

"What are you thinking scaring a vampire like that?" He yelled. Always the party pooper.

I rolled my eyes and brushed the used condoms and leaves off my knees. He climbed down and toke my hands into his. I stared longingly into his eyes and smiled.  
"Bella…" He started I pressed a finger to his lips.  
"Shh…..I know."

"You know how?"

"Eddie Poo….This isn't the first time this has happened." He looked at me puzzled.  
"I know that you want me Eddie Bear, but we have to wait till we are married." He raised an eye brow at me.

"I think you got the wrong impression."

"Don't feel embarrassed." He threw his hands into the air.  
"I'm not. Listen Bella I'm leaving."

"I'm not helping you pack." He looked at me like I was nuts but I was going to see Jacob this weekend.

"I'm sorry." He said pulling my hands into his. I sighed.

"Okay I am sorry."

"No Bella you don't need to be sorry this is my fault."

"Can you buy me a doughnut?" He shook his head.

"Bye Bella." I didn't say anything as he ran past me. Remembering his car was packed in front of my house I hid in the bushes again waiting for him to realize it and turn around. He turned and ran toward my house. Looked around and started walking normally since I must have gone home. Enjoying the peace and quite. He stopped and leaned against a tree. I jumped out "BOO!" I screamed and Edward flew into the tree. Growling he stalked off to his car.

**Jacob Time**

"Bella." Jacob breathed his face getting close to mine.  
"Yes?" I said touching his chest. He was so fiiine.  
"I love you."

"SCORE!" I yelled to myself. Then looked at Jacob.

"I love you to." The things I want him to do.

"Really, Bella?" I didn't hear a word he had said. What an amazing body. I thought to myself.

"Yeah, of course." He leaned in to kiss me and I tossed him onto the ground.  
"Tag your it." I said jumping off him and running into the woods. Jacob was close behind. I stopped running into a big dog and flying backward.

"Jacob look I found a Great Dane." Excited I started patting its head.

"No Bella! Don't that's a wolf." I shot him a look.  
"No way." I ran my fingers through the big dog's hair.

"I'm going to take you home and name you ." The dog growled and I toke that as a good sign.

" who's a good boy?" I asked patting his head again.  
"Do you want one? There are lots of them?" I asked Jacob who was standing behind me shaking. I think he was having a seizure but who knows.

I sat in my bed singing a song I wrote to .

"Ohhh I'm so sexy I dated a vampire but now I have a guy who's even hotter."  
"His names Jake and he doesn't know that my boobs are fake."  
"When he's not home I sneak into his house, and roll around in his bed."

"I got a watch that I stole from his dad." My Mr. Biggles liked my song. He started howling singing along. I went to bed and when I woke up to take my birth control pill that I forgotten to take the last four weeks. Good thing Jake doesn't know. Mr. Biggles was shacking on the floor and so I went over and threw a shoe at him. He turned into a man. I gasped.  
"Are you here to have your way with me?"

"WHAT! NO." The naked man in my room told me.

"Oh." To bad. He was as hot as Jacob.

"Well good night Mr. Biggles."

**Knocked up**

"Hey Jacob." I waved and watched him run his fine ass toward me from the beach.

"Hey Bells."

"Well I just wanted you to know that I'm pregnant and it's probably yours and so I am going to move in." He looked at me and then ran off into the woods. The boys here do that a lot I wonder if there's some kind of jerking off tree in the woods. I will have to go look later.

**Eddie Comes Back**

"Bella you got knocked up."

"Yeah."

"You must be about 8 months."

"Sure."

"That means you must have gotten knocked up while I was still here."  
"What? You weren't putting out so I found someone who was."

"WHO!"

"Jacob, Paul, Uley, Mike."

"WHAT!" I shock my head at him.

"Are you in special ed?"

"Bella I'm smarter then you."

"Yeah okay. I don't think so because I am a hundred and something year old vampire and you was just a silly human."

"No Bella I am."

"Watch it Human or I will turn you." Edward huphed and pushed me. So that's when I jumped on him biting into his neck.

"You will now be my vampire lover forever. MWAHAHA!" I mocked him.

"If I didn't love you I would leave right now."

"If I didn't want to be young forever I wouldn't still be standing here."

"Bella I can't turn you. You will lose your soul."

"God you wine more then a dare care full of 2 year olds. BLA BLA BLA"

"I will take care of this." I cut into my arm knowing once he smelt my blood he wouldn't be able to resist biting me and he did.

**NOW A VAMPIRE**

I looked at my self in the mirror over and over. Damn I was fine. Jacob still wanted me and Edward was like a puppy in following me around. I wonder were Mr. Biggles is. I walked into the living room and saw Emit and Rose sitting there. I pulled Rose's hair knowing I was the strongest vamp in the house right now.  
"Bitch get out of my seat." I said pulling her onto the floor. Then I sat next to Emit and started making out with him. YAY I Love being a sexy vampire. Now it's time to go kill some people. I walked out tripping down the stairs.  
"Damn it." I yelled and then ran toward town. I was going to eat Jessica first.

**The End.**

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